He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
