I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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