Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
