And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
