Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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