dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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