she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
