dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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