I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
