I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
