you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
