Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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