I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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