we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
