drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize