1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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