how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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