Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
