It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
