you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
