Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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