I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
