even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
