You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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