My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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