I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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