Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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