Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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