Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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