Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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