i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is the high leading the old right now
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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