so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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