i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
