you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
