but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
