I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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