I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
