if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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