I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize