the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
