C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
