I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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