your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well you can't waste a boner
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you made out with another girl for some wings
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
