We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
