my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
