Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.