i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
