just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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