Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
