i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
