and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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