Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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