not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
