I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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