so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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