Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
