My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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