I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
