did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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